“I’m fine”…
Shhh, you don’t mean that - my heart interjects
“No, really, I’m fine” … I protest
Why do you lie to them - my heart asks
My head pauses to ponder a question it’s never considered while the words nestle onto my tongue waiting for their moment to speak
Because this is the way
My head responds sure of itself
This is the way to what - my heart inquires
This is the way to not get hurt
My head reveals as it breaks into a painful soliloquy
This is the way to not be known
This is the way we keep ourself safe
This is the way we protect ourself from prying eyes and judgemental mouths
This is the way
This is the only way
Who taught us this way - my heart yearns to know
All the people who claimed to love us before this moment
My head responds matter-of-factly
How do we know this is the way if that was then and this is today - my hopeful heart asks
My head lingers for a moment … choosing its words with care while tamping down the edges of malice that curl around the daggers it wishes to throw
Because,
My head finally speaks,
of the tears she'll cry tonight when the world is asleep
This is the way we keep her safe and once the numbness sets in you’ll understand that this way is a gift in a world not built for us
My heart takes this information in. Feeling the icy hot grasp of numbness creeping through its veins
But - my heart begins - but what if I want a new way...
... the last words spoken in whimpers as it tightens, hardens, and burns under the weight of expectations.
My head remains steadfast and sure of itself.
The words peer through the edges of my lips
Waiting patiently
My heart’s pleas grow softer until they fall silent
My head sighs remorsefully,
I’m sorry my dear there is only this way
My lips part as the words pour out to serve their sacred duty
“I’m fine”, I say with a small smile and a gentle nod
“I’m fine.”
Copyright(c) 2024 Rayven Holmes
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