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It’s Ok For Your Relationship & Life to be Different

Originally published January 30th, 2022




I’ve avoided writing about anything of substance, one because we’re going into season three of the pandemic that never wants to end and I’m tired. And two something I’m working on involves a lot of discernment and heavy writing so again I’m tired.

At this point though, I’m annoyed so here I am.


While scrolling Medium’s suggested reads, which is based in large part on what those I’m following are consuming, I came across a piece from a guy who was dying on the “don’t trust married men” hill. His reasoning, he only partakes in life because he’s hoping to meet women and if he “settled down” he would lose his will to live. There is so much to unpack there, but he isn’t the only one with this notion that monogamy is death. It’s hilarious to me because on the other side of the coin you have think pieces about how open relationships destroy families and will be the downfall of society.


How people engaging in open and honest communication will be the downfall of society is a reach I can’t seem to grasp, thankfully.


Why are both sides so hilarious to me? Because, I’ve danced on both sides of the coin and the one thing I know for certain is that what works for you today probably won’t in ten years, shit it might not work for you in a year. None of these ways of being are forever and the moment we understand and appreciate how life ebbs and flows the sooner we can enjoy the moment we’re in.


Yes, you’re happy in your monogamy. Yes, you’re happy in your polyamory. Yes, you’re happy in whatever the hell it is you’re doing… for right now. So, enjoy it. You don’t have to turn around and become evangelical for your way of life at this moment and demonize those who are different from you. You don’t have to spend time writing think pieces on why this group is horrible because they aren’t doing what you’re doing.


If we all did the same thing for life this planet would be hella boring. The variety of experiences and choices is what brings richness to the human experience. Being open to change, to re-evaluating, to experiencing life fully for wherever you are in that moment is what makes life so fucking amazing.


No one needs to be living life the same as you for your life and experiences to have value and to be valid. It’s ok to be different. It’s ok to change your life repeatedly. No one needs to be like you. You can be you, appreciate where you are in this moment, and celebrate where others have found themselves.


Spend less time trying to convert everyone to your way of life and more time enjoying your life, because one day it will change. Seize the moments that bring you joy now and embrace the shifts when they come.


Copyright© 2022 Rayven Holmes

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